Keep Calm and Carry On

It takes 22 days to form a new habit. Breaking one can happen almost immediately when procrastination is involved… So with the approaching exams at the end of the semester scaring me just a little more each week, I soon fell into the habit of not blogging. I mean, the last time I posted anything was the end of October, which my father has kindly been reminding me every so often. In a perfect world, I would have used my time productively and studied – for each minute not invested in my blog, I could’ve at least spent the time revising and summarising. But as is normal in the life of a student, studying is not always a pleasure and I soon let one of my vices control my “spare time”, leading me to binge-watch all the TV I could find; I watched all of 30 Rock, Real Housewives, About a Boy and Devious Maids just to name a few, while also keeping up with all my usual favourites. To say I might have a problem is an understatement – I suffer from couch-potato-syndrome so to say… from extreme TV-Junkieness.. from no longer being the Grade-A Nerd I used to be in high school. Long gone were the days I could study for 12 hours straight because I only had two days before my biology exam – something even my best and closest friends just couldn’t comprehend. To them I was still the crazy studier, not the procrastinator I had secretly become. And this fear of no longer being “who I used to be” made me panic. I felt incapable, undeserving, and stupid. My concentration was depleted, my willpower gave in, my nights became restless, but my days were spent in bed due to lack of sleep. A few weeks before my exams I even lost my appetite. My panic attacks increased to a point where I would cry myself to sleep at night – I was so disappointed in myself, in my actions, in the way I conducted myself during the semester…I was nowhere as prepared as I wanted myself to be – I had not succeeded in reaching the goals I had set, and yes, while I might have expected a bit too much from myself, I know what I am capable of – and what I delivered this semester was just unacceptable to me.

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Going in to the semester I had set myself one ultimate goal, and that was to see it through. After spending some time after graduation soul-searching I knew that I had finally found the suitable field of study, and completing the semester had to be manageable, as for the first time I was actually enjoying what I was doing….

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…and long sob story short, I am proud to say that I did exactly that: Despite feeling unprepared I took all 4 of my exams. This is a big step for me, as in the last 2 years shying away from failure became my new normal, rather than actually seeing anything through. Taking the exams helped me reclaim the confidence I used to have… and it all paid off in the end!

Ladies and gentlemen of the blog world, I am officially a student. I passed all of my exams – albeit not as well as I wanted to but I was honestly prepared for the worst. I was truly ecstatic  when I saw that I had passed all exams of my major, and absolutely flabbergasted when I passed my business minor, because I was more than ready to choose a different course…

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My friends and family tried hard to keep me calm during this whole process, but I took their words of wisdom for granted and continued to spiral into one panic attack after another. Passing my exams has taught me that I am capable, I can be a student, I can excel, and I can be whoever I want to be. And I believe a massive thank you for everyone’s patience is in order! I really was a mess these last few months, but hope to have regained my strength (for now at least). I also had the cutest study buddy giving me plenty of cuddles while I was cut off from all other contact.

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I just need to kick the habit of TV-show watching in the butt. But I’ve got one more week before the next semester starts to do that 😉

Also I owe you guys sooooo many blogposts. Loads has happened; my birthday, Christmas, New Years.. a trip to California… and I do plan on keeping you all up to date more frequently now 🙂

Talk soon!

With attitude and nail polish,

Anoushé xoxo

Ugh.

You GUUUUYS.

I need to rant.

So grab a snack – you’re in for a long, non-Hemingway-like slew of sentences a.k.a. my thoughts that I have kept hidden away for far too long and are now creeping up on me to haunt me.

Ugh. I need a glass of champagne…

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Or some of your time and patience to listen to my endless thought-process…

So let me give you a bit of a look-see into what’s going on in my brain right now:

Recycled pic, but depicts my feelings well

Recycled pic, but depicts my feelings well

I’ve mentioned before that I hope to start with CrossFit soon. Nothing bad with that right?

Wrong – because it is just another thing on my list of things I hope and wish to try.. you see CrossFit has become one of a million things “I want to take up when I get back to Zürich”

Keyword: “back to Zürich”

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Everything I have been wanting to start, finish, take-up, cook, test or put-away has been postponed to when I am “back in Zürich” (I haven’t even changed the light bulb in my room yet… and it stopped working long before I left 4 months ago).

In 2 very short months I will be home and will be starting at UniZH two weeks post-return.

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*Ahhhhhh Freak Out*

I realized this yesterday, and my best friend thus witnessed a mental breakdown that went as follows:

Best friend: “What are you doing September and do you want to come to France with me?”

Me: ” I don’t really have plans but need to get my life sorted out, i.e. finally lose that last bit of weight because I am incapable of eating the way that makes me feel my best in Munich, get my room (read: life) organized before school begins and sort out anything that needs to be sorted out before said school starts…

Best friend: “You are not the only one with stress…”

[The actual conversation was a little bit more lengthy but I have finally learned to summarize the important facts… let’s hope I can apply that to the endless books I will be needing to read and summarize for Media- and Communications]

Yup I know I am not the only.. but I deal with stress terribly and it makes me go cray cray. Hence this blog post where I just want need to rant…

Now on top of this revelation of actually having fairly little time to spare (again: T minus 2 months is NOT A LOT OF TIME), my current program of work, gym, food, occasional outings with friends during the week, and basically not sleeping at the weekends will need to change back to my Zürich lifestyle. And Zürich lifestyle means dance 3-4 times a week, continuing my gym membership, starting CrossFit, finding some time to relax (read: force myself to relax at yoga because I know no other way), catching up with my friends and family, going to university, studying, travelling, eating my favourite foods, occasionally going out… the list goes on and on and on…

I am stressing out over things that I should be looking forward to. Things that are actually amazing and are meant to be enjoyed… but I’ve been seeing this whole “back to Zürich” thing as such a big moment – the fixer of all my current problems and the place where my life will finally be under control (will it ever be, honestly, seriously?!) – that I am petrified of returning to “normal” life. Munich has been so care free, despite slight bumps along the way that returning to reality is freaking me out..

I’ve listed up a few woes that used to be part of my daily life or that used to motivate me through other stressful moments to highlight my desperation:

  • Dance is my passion – something I have always loved – this shouldn’t stress me out!
  • University is important – after two attempts, this third time has to be it; no excuses
  • My over-all health should be first all day err day anyways – especially because a healthy life means a happy life
  • My social life has always been too vital a part of my life and I stress with or without it…especially with questions like: “Will my friends still be there when I prioritize “me” and when will I ever find a boyfriend with all these other things I am filling my day with” to list the two top ones. These are then generally followed by “where is my life going anyways? Will I ever know what my calling is? Why don’t I just become a fitness instructor and combine my hobby with a career?” ..and so it continues…
  • Trying out new things should be a fun adventure, but I just don’t know where to fit it in…or if I want to give up anything for it…I am tied to my day to day activities and stress over change. I really hate change..

I sometimes wish there were more hours in a day, but then I would just fill those extra hours with more things. There are so many things I hope to do, see, achieve.. and suddenly I realized that I have been living in the future. I do this far too frequently… things that I always hoped to do or am meant to finish are stowed away in my mind for “better days”. I also worry too much about what could come (again fear of change) rather than concentrate on the here and now..

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I forget to just live in the moment sometimes. A little bit of planning is good – actually it is important for my overall mental health as I am a walking diary full of important memos, to-do lists and agendas. But I have obsessively been planning the “back in Zürich” part, when I actually could’ve knocked most of those things off my list a really long time ago (read: changed my light bulb perhaps?)… if I hadn’t spent all my weekends in Zürich going out until the roosters crow.. Yup – priorities..

Last weekend I promised myself something: I am going to stop fretting over what will come and live more in the now. I also want to do things I generally might not do. The idea came to me when my Oma was recounting the story of the time I would jump carelessly into a pool of freezing water and just not care.

That was the first and last time I did anything like that. I was twelve. Now I barely even enter water out of fear of exposing my “not-yet-perfect” body. Yeah, talk about confidence.

I thrive with structure. I know that. Nevertheless a little bit of spontaneity is important to live life to the fullest. Last week I went to two press meetings instead of to my favourite BodyPump class. Despite needing to be “bikini ready” for going to the beach next week. I got to see the launch of a new foundation and chose clubbing with some pretty awesome girls on a weeknight over sleep and mega-healthy meals.

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I also got to drink a fresh coconut for the first time.

Ok, it might not be as wild as jumping off a cliff with a mere bungy-string attached (which I don’t think I could ever do), but I got out of my structure and lived a little. And it was worth it!

So yes, I might want to do CrossFit, become Paleo, finish my bachelor and maybe start my master in another country, write a book, rule the world and end all hunger, preferably before catching some Oms at yoga and jiggling around to music with jazz-hands, I mean who doesn’t? … but maybe I should start small and try not to overwhelm myself – because as mentioned before, I don’t do stress well. How do I plan to overcome my tendency to try to plan my life, you might ask? hmm, well if I knew the answer I wouldn’t be ranting… but I think becoming a bit more spontaneous is key. Trying to live more in the here, now and near future, making smaller goals and adding on sports, outings, fun activities etc as enjoyable extras instead of making them a priority should be the way to go forward.

For example I've already accomplished doing the splits.. Now I can find a new goal  :)

For example I’ve already accomplished doing the splits.. Now I can find a new goal
🙂

So maybe I shouldn’t follow a rigid schedule and maybe I should cancel one or two memberships to enable trying new things so that I don’t feel too committed. My studies should be my number one priority right now anyways (note to self!!), so I think I’ll try and see what I can fit in around that..

No one can plan the future, and I don’t really understand why I felt I could and should..

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…but I am glad I was able to catch my melt-down before it got too bad last night and I hope to become a bit more relaxed… because, well as corny as this may seem, you only life once [#yolo] and I “plan” to enjoy every second of it 🙂 Besides, I am a true believer in dreams coming true… I just need to stay calm and stop fretting that I may be wrong..

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Thanks for listening.. Feel free to comment (I encourage you to) and let me know your perspective on this subject 🙂

With attitude and nail polish, Anoushé xoxo

 

Obsession Alert: Code Red!

You guys. It is murder working at a magazine. I am SURROUNDED by all the products I want to try and I can’t do more than just test out a little on my hand… so sad 😦

I’ve resorted to drowning my sorrows in spoonfuls of peanut butter and endless Sephora “loves”. Seriously, it is an issue. I just bought a 500 g jar two days ago and it is already half empty.

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I tend to spoon feed myself more upon utter excitement, like when I found this eye cream. If only it weren’t so expensive…. and nut butter so calorific…

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Also, I NEED this in my life. It would a) be “parfait” and b) my first Chanel makeup purchase… you have to start somewhere… the only thing is I can’t quite convince myself to spend the money on it because the colour is outrageously similar to this. But it’s Chanel so it should be ok.. right?

Have you guys watched Girl Code? It used to be on at the gym at SLC, and I found it ridiculous then – but after finding some relatively funny gifs and memes on Pinterest (that are sadly very accurate and applicable to me) I thought I would actually watch an episode without mute turned on. Now I am officially hooked. Goodbye social life… oh wait that’s gone anyways this weekend as I decided to stay here and know NOONE! I do have my eye on a cute barista though…..

Speaking of working out: I found an amazing gym here! I can’t wait to train more frequently…

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Oh I also wouldn’t mind a Lancôme lipstick or two… don’t blame me, blame Instagram like I do

Also, anyone want to take me to Paris sometime soon?

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Because Maison Guerlain has opened the mothership of all beauty heavens. It’s an oasis full of everything from makeup to an in-house spa to a restaurant… It’s number 68 – I can’t believe I was so close last time!

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That was outside Louis Vuitton, but I would have rather seen Guerlain

my problems people… seriously…;)

And can someone find me this lock?

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It’s currently my background on my phone!

Oh and on a completely non beauty/dance note, I love this song and this one, and this one

Actually maybe it is a slight dance note, as I can feel choreography-inspiration coming my way. You know I always seem to dance more after going to the gym? Weird…

Question of the day

What things are making your heart beat faster lately?

With attitude and nail polish, Anoushé xoxo

 

Whirling Words: Random Ramble Wednesday

No this is not going to be thing. I will not be opening up my computer every Wednesday to spill my heart out into the world-wide web. But, I have a thing for cutesy, catchy titles that deem a certain regularity. So, while this might not become an only Wednesday thing, this might be a regular thing, because well.. I’ve got stuff on my mind. Stuff that doesn’t really have anything to do with Manicures or Concealers, Battements or Twists, but it does involve the other part of me that I have been starting to include more and more on this blog…

Somehow, after following oodles of healthy lifestyle blogs I realised that I had an extreme interest in what they were writing, how they were living and what their meals looked like. That’s just kind of what I am in to… I can’t explain this weird interest – it definitely has to do with how I grew up, having a health-conscious (nutritionist) mom, and my own developed interest in nutrition (I got my best ever Biology grade on a test about nutrition… I knew everything by heart because I actually wanted to!). And also, I’m just going to put this out there, women like to compare themselves to others… so if I’m already checking out other blogs and getting inspired, I thought it would be nice to offer the same for others to read 🙂

I was always told to write what I would read, and since I find myself clicking through these “non-make-up-blogs” more frequently, I’m now trying to adjust my blog in a way that I can develop it (and myself) into what I want it to be…I already started this journey with my nutrition post or this one from last week.

So long story short, I want to be able to share some of my thoughts on here and see if anyone reading what I put out in the world has had similar thoughts/experiences/opinions and would like to share. I am always really inspired by the support I see on other blogs and hope that mine could be one too someday…and no this will not become an online journal..the main topics will still be manicures, dance and snacks 😉

So, on that note, let’s dive in…

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I’m spending most of my time and money on travelling back and forth from Zürich to Munich. Somehow, the fear of being forgotten and left out is strong when you are only a short (4.5 h) train ride away… I didn’t have this fear when  I got up and left for New York, because I wasn’t afraid of losing what I had… I was always a social butterfly and was constantly surrounded by “close” friends – only, when I moved and didn’t have time to see everyone (and constantly be the first to strike up a conversation), I soon noticed who really did care. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but now, leaving Zürich yet again, I notice a slight unsettled feeling inside… what if the friends who were left standing last time, will slowly drift away as well?

Those were my thoughts at first.. but then I had this beautiful talk with a dear friend whom I only see once every so often. He mentioned to me, that yes, while some might have shown their true character, I have also shown mine, which is: I can never truly abandon Zürich. The friends I have, I never want to, and never will, lose because I won’t let that happen (even those who didn’t care to contact me while I was in New York.. I somehow still care and keep in touch, but that’s another problem for another story). I realised living only a train ride away means I can go back whenever I want, and I never seem to pass up a chance to go home, see my friends, my parents, my dog, eat my favourite food and go to my favourite dance classes… but alas, while I love to go home, I feel I’m not offering Munich enough of my time.

Now I will attempt to spend a full weekend here. I didn’t really feel staying here was necessary before because my life is in Zürich, but since I will be living here for a while longer why not try to “live” here a little bit more? I noticed I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to discover the city I was currently living in AND to maintain life back home which lead to disastrous melt-downs every weekend where I did not want to go back to work… now, after my chat, I feel more comfortable trying to give Munich a chance while knowing Zürich will always remain in my heart, will always be my number one home and will never forget me because I would never let it, no matter where in the world life might take me…. I will always be that annoying person checking up on life in Zürich, asking my dearest and nearest family and friends what they are up to, even if all they have to tell me is that the milk at Starbucks is less frothy than usual… every little bit somehow keeps me connected and reassures me that I can try to let go a little and be more independent and thus less clingy. Because that is what I was being – clingy. I was clinging on to Zürich before I realised it won’t be going anywhere, out of fear of the “New York” thing happening all over again. But no – it won’t, it can’t, especially since I don’t want it to and could hop on a train whenever and go home…

There apparently are people who can just get up and leave and not care about the life they built in their previous hometown, but I most definitely am not that kind of person, and realizing this finally removed a lot of unnecessary stress from my life! Also I noticed that yes, currently I am living in Munich, but I won’t be here for very long. I might return every so often, but will still spend a vast chunk of my life in Zürich, which relinquishes more stress and pressure to get to know Munich as well as my hometown because I am not really building a life here at the moment…

So, there you have it, my first rant… now it’s your turn:

Have you moved to a new city? How did you deal with that?

With attitude and nail polish, Anoushé xoxo

I made cookies! :)

Life – it has recently taken over in the kind of way that leaves you longing for your bed where you could curl up and watch Will and Grace reruns. Things have been all over the place lately, both good and bad, and it was hard to find time to sit down and type…

For example, my little cuddly Bala had to be operated on last Thursday. She wasn’t feeling well after one of our walks and after a trip to the vet, I had realised she had eaten a lot of wood.. not good.

IMG_1405Thankfully she is doing a lot better.

With her at the hospital, I’ve been spending a lot of time at home with the other munchkin so that she wouldn’t get lonely. It’s weird having only one dog at home and I find myself including her in a lot more of my activities; we watch TV shows together, we eat our meals together and she even sat in the kitchen while I was baking cookies! 🙂

IMG_1400I followed this recipe, not adding the raspberries and using peanut butter, and they turned out super healthy and super yummy!

IMG_1402Another thing keeping me busy were my driving lessons!

IMG_0987..which came to an end yesterday!

I PASSED MY TEST 🙂

And the last thing keeping me away from blogging was trying to figure out what I will be studying this September. I’ve been reading descriptions, checking lecture times and gazing far into my soul to figure out what it is I really want to do… it’s tough work!

Things will hopefully return back to normal soon. I have a lot of plans for the blog and can’t wait to share them with you!

Hope you are having a great Tuesday!

With attitude and nail polish, Anoushé xoxo